Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
