All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
being pregnant is like rehab
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
