I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
