her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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