actually, I'm a sock model
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
