I faked an abortion last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
