How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
