Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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