I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
