And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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