This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
