Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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