someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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