i just had sex bonerless
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
