I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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