I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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