drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
