I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
