Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
