its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
