I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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