So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
