mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
