yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
