I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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