the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
