i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
