I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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