Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
