i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
