i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
