Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
