i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
