he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
