Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
