she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
