dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
