Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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