Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
