I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
