i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
