i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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