Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
