Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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