she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
