fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
