I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
