I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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