I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think my moral compass just broke
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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