Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
