"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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