Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
