forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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