yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
